Caffeinated Dance Mom

This is Tiger. Tiger is a toy poodle. Tiger’s new nickname is "The Wanderer," like that old Dino and the Belmonts song. "He’s the kind of dog that likes to roam around . . . he’s a wanderer, he’s a wanderer, he roams around around around!"

Tiger decided he wanted an adventure early this morning, I guess. He whined to go out at midnight or so. In my half-asleep stupor I let him out without chaining him up (we live on a corner lot in a town home complex, so no fenced-in yard). Usually he does his business and comes back to the house with a name call and a whistle. Not so this time. In waiting for him to show up at the door and whine, I fell asleep. He wasn’t home at 2, or at 3. By 4 my overactive imagination was running laps around my brain, and I was afraid for him. I put on my fleece, leashed the other dog, grabbed my flashlight, and headed out to find him. No luck. By 5:30 I called my husband, who is out of town, and cried on the phone that I’d lost the dog. At 6:45 my youngest and I headed out to look for him in the car, while the oldest was home to answer the phone.

At 7:45 we got a phone call, "Are you missing a little dog?" He had wandered around two miles from our house! This toy poodle is 12 1/2 years old! He has arthritis and floating kneecaps! He is a priss about his feet, and he has cataracts in one of his eyes!

But he’s fine. He picked up a flea (first flea I’ve seen in the almost-four years we’ve lived in North Dakota, I might add) and some burrs, but after a quick trip to the vet, he is fine. We Frontlined him and the other dog so they won’t breed fleas (although the one I found is dead at the vet’s office).

He’s just a wanderer. Who will never go outside alone again.

This probably falls under the heading "You know you’re getting old when . . . "

The back of my head, at the base of my skull, throbs when it’s about to storm. I think it’s affected by barometric pressure for some reason. I’ve had a headache all day.

I hate headaches. They color my day gray.

This is a fiction-writing assignment. This scenario is fiction which is based on the following very real internet classified advertisement. No connection, real or implied, to the actual "James" in Minneapolis who posted the ad in the first place. Thank you!

Classified Advertisement

Psychic Dream Symbols Reading.I have 10yrs of experience and advice.
Dream symbols intuitive symbols revealed on life love career finances salary promotions
relationships self spirituality future.

Get your personal reading now.

James chuckled to himself. I wonder who will be stupid enough to fall for this one? I am such a genius. He hit "publish" and waited. He didn’t have to wait long.

The phone rang. Caller ID indicated a North Dakota area code. Yes! "Hello?"

"Hey, James, I need a reading."

"Sure! Who am I speaking with?" James grabbed a pen and paper.

"Well you’re a psychic, you tell me." The androgynous voice sounded amused to James. James rolled his eyes to himself. He hated smart alecks.

"Okay. I will need your credit card number before we go on. That information will help me get a much clearer visual of your aura–"

"You’re a psychic, you know my credit card number already. Why should I give it to you over the phone?"

James sighed to himself. He wanted gullibility, not someone telling him what he should or should not know. "My psychic ability is not universal, Pat. It’s limited to dreams and their various interpretations." He hoped he sounded believable. He grabbed the credit card machine, ready to punch in the number.

"Um, yeah. So my dream. It involved a goldfish, a sled, a flooding river, and my 8th grade English teacher. What do you think it means?"

"Well, Chris," he threw in another name that would be appropriate for a boy or girl, since the voice gave away nothing. "It depends. I still need your credit card number."

"Why?"

"Well, my expertise isn’t free."

"There’s nothing in the ad that mentions having to pay."

"Sure there is." He clicked on the link and pulled up his own page. Damn, he or she is right, he thought.

"You’re a fraud. I’m clicking the report spam link," said the unidentified voice. The phone went dead.

Of course, by the time James clicked on his link, it was dead. He went to the home page under "new additions" and sure enough, he found his own text with a small amendment:

Psychic Dream Symbols Reading.I have 10yrs of experience and advice.
Dream symbols intuitive symbols revealed on life love career finances salary promotions
relationships self spirituality future.

Get your personal reading now for only
$9.99 for the first two minutes,
$5.99 for each additional minute.

The name in the contact information box said "Alex."

I was going to write something very profound or poetic for the blog this week, but instead I decided to write about a movie I stayed up late to watch last night: Rachel Getting Married, starring Anne Hathaway.

All I knew about this movie was that Anne Hathaway had won an acting award for her work in it. I’ve liked her as an actress since The Princess Diaries (yeah, I know…it’s cheesy). I knew that in this movie she played a woman fresh out of rehab, headed to her sister’s wedding. However, this movie is soooo much more than that.

First of all, this is a drama. Therefore, I had to watch it by myself, as Chaplain Hubby does not like dramas (I guess as a chaplain and former pastor, he has had enough real-life drama to avoid it in his entertainment!). Second, the acting was absolutely superb. I didn’t know Debra Winger was in it until I saw the credits (the library’s sticker covered up her name on the DVD cover), and I like her a lot. Third, this film is about as gritty a movie as I think I’ve seen since Pieces of April (what can I say, I tend to watch comedies).

So, the movie. Kym (Hathaway) is picked up from rehab by her dad and his wife, and they chatter on about the wedding plans of Rachel. Seems the rehearsal dinner is that evening, with a day of preparation before Wedding Day. The house is full of people–Rachel, Kym, their friends, and Rachel’s fiance’s musician and artist friends who all play a part in the rehearsal dinner festivities and the wedding itself. It’s a cacophony of voices and music and attitudes and fun and sarcasm. Thankfully, Kym attends two AA-type meetings, so obviously rehab took. (At the meeting she sees the best man, which adds to the craziness.)

I think this movie captures a realistic portrait of a dysfunctional family during a very stressful wedding weekend. No, not everyone’s wedding ceremony has singing of the bride’s and groom’s names and electric guitar riffs on "The Wedding March," and not every wedding rehearsal has all those speeches. But the grittiness comes from the scenes of life: the arguments, the sarcastic remarks, the mean pettiness that I think most people think but don’t necessarily say out loud.

Plus, honestly, isn’t every family dysfunctional in some way? I think so. When the mom shows up (played by Debra Winger in all her brilliant-ness), things really start to go a lot weird. "You know how Mom is," Rachel says at one point to Kym. Really, I didn’t, until I saw it. Then I did.

Kym’s struggles were certainly real enough to garner my sympathies, and it’s all due to Anne Hathaway’s acting. She is not sweet and nice. She’s a pain in the butt, actually. But it’s such a good performance, the viewer can really forget who she is.

This is not a movie for everyone. I’m glad I watched it, though.

"Itchy Feet" is a phrase that could be interpreted in more than one way. Dictionary.com defines it as "a very strong or irresistible impulse to travel." An offered synonym is "wanderlust." I am choosing to discuss these meanings, rather than delve into the intricacies of any foot malady. If that’s your case, head to the podiatrist, pronto!

I don’t naturally have the tendency to wander. I like to stay home. Sometimes I think I’d be perfectly happy holed up in a hermit’s house with a library of books at my disposal, and read all the time. 

We do travel, usually one trip a year, but I’d rather travel by car than by plane. It’s more flexible. I can stop when I need to, eat when it’s convenient, and take as much stuff as I want regardless of how much it weighs.

I’ll be doing a lot of traveling this summer during the process of our move. I am also looking at a couple of road trips while we’re living in Texas. One trip I want to take is to New Mexico to visit my dad in his "retirement home" (which is not a nursing home or even assisted living; it’s where he and his wife live now that he’s retired…and I thought the word play appropriate given our topic).

I think it’s funny that all I wanted for raising our kids was to settle in one place and get them through school. Then my husband joined the military. That was the end of that dream! Thankfully, it has worked out well so far.

…than selling a house and talking about my kids.

Right?

The previous blog entry was a huge list of things I like and don’t like. But even that list, as extensive as it was, is not the sum total of what makes me Pattie.

But the mundane details sometimes threaten to overwhelm me, and because I’m a detail-oriented person, that’s what consumes my waking thoughts. Details. Worries. Concerns. The day-to-day sometimes steals my joy and peace of mind.

So that’s where I am today: overwhelmed with details.

Don’t worry, I’ll eventually get sick of myself and get over myself…

True Confession: The idea of revisiting my memoir has overwhelmed me so much that I haven’t touched it since I got all the feedback. Isn’t that awful? I know it is. That’s my procrastination showing. But I have colored markers and a paper copy, and now I’m digging in.

100 Things I Like:

1. God
2. my husband, Chaplain R2
3. my daughters, M1 and M2
4. my friends—too numerous to count; I’m truly blessed.
5. coffee!
6. my dogs—all of them: past, present, & future
7. laughter
8. the Bible
9. blank books and journals
10. blue Zebra Sarasa gel pens
11. Sharpies
12. Facebook
13. dark chocolate
14. romantic comedies
15. snow in moderation
16. flowers
17. mint plants
18. hot tea in the evenings
19. popcorn at the movies—with butter
20. Seattle’s Best French Roast coffee
21. Coffee Mate Peppermint Mocha Creamer
22. my puffy down coat
23. homemade chex mix
24. purple gel pens
25. Mead college-ruled composition books
26. cocker spaniels
27. sincere words
28. sincere hearts
29. brand-new calendars
30. LG cell phones—haven’t had a bad one yet!
31. any vanilla flavored International creamer (the ones with the blue lid)
32. old-school Point of Grace music
33. my pink down jacket
34. my laptop, Sheba
35. Sonic cherry limeade
36. Sonic cranberry limeade
37. Sonic cherry vanilla Dr. Pepper
38. that moment writers relish, when the pen meets the paper in a flurry of words, or when fingers fly on the computer keyboard—that moment when inspiration strikes
39. roses
40. lilies
41. autumn leaves
42. the whole autumn season!
43. the first real snow of the season
44. the woodsmoke smell of a bonfire
45. a really, really good novel
46. Pride and Prejudice the novel
47. Pride and Prejudice the miniseries with Colin Firth
48. Colin Firth
49. brand-new book smell
50. purple ribbons
51. family photos in sepia
52. watching my daughters dance
53. hugs
54. crisp, brand-new t-shirts
55. Old Navy
56. a really good pedicure
57. putting paper in the shredder
58. finding out someone thinks you’re worth knowing
59. Julie and Julia the movie
60. text messaging friends
61. The Princess Bride
62. McDonald’s French fries when they are hot and fresh and salty
63. the library
64. PaperbackSwap.com
65. BookMooch.com
66. Grey’s Anatomy
67. electricity
68. Christmas lights
69. wandering aimlessly around Barnes and Noble
70. our collection of refrigerator magnets from the places we’ve been
71. comfortable seats
72. staying up late to read a good book
73. nice crisp new bookmarks
74. comfortable sunglasses
75. The Office
76. green tea scented lotion
77. making DVDs
78. cute photographs of my girls
79. Wii Fit
80. Wii Play shooting game
81. Wii bowling
82. freshly painted walls
83. cut-up D’Anjou pears
84. Knotts Berry Farm Boysenberry preserves
85. my grandma’s old house in Anaheim
86. the purple dress I wore in my friend’s wedding
87. Wives of Faith, a website for military wives
88. The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society
89. “Amazing Grace”
90. Gone With the Wind the movie
91. When Harry Met Sally . . .
92. singing in church
93. vanilla scented lotion
94. Starbucks triple grande vanilla latte
95. Caribou campfire mocha
96. sleeping late on a Saturday morning
97. time alone
98. answered prayers
99. the Gospels
100. Sara Groves Conversations CD

100 Things I Do Not Like:

1. drivers who do not signal when driving
2. when people do not drive safely on ice and snow
3. green peas
4. perfectionism
5. poorly-written books that are best-sellers
6. leaking roofs
7. cleaning up dog messes in the house
8. pens that quit in the middle of a word or thought
9. dusting
10. cleaning the bathroom
11. sneezing
12. incessant coughing, either by me or someone else
13. rudeness
14. moving
15. cold cocoa
16. mosquito bites
17. insecurity
18. globby pens that leak
19. cashiers that throw your change back at you
20. cashiers who make you put the 20-lb. dog food on the conveyor belt instead of using the handheld scanner thingie
21. blurry photographs
22. wiping the dogs’ muddy feet
23. cleaning the dogs’ messes out of the yard in the rain (or anytime, really)
24. writers who use emotional manipulation (*coughnicholassparkscough*)
25. twangy country music
26. rain on snow that makes the snow all dirty looking
27. finishing a really, really good novel—because it’s over
28. overly loud music in stores
29. leg cramps
30. when things break
31. spending too much at Wal-Mart
32. snobbiness
33. mean girls of all ages
34. the end of a friendship
35. when I can’t find something that I knew exactly where it was before I straightened up…
36. cell calls that quit when you’re in the middle of saying something important
37. being lectured by Mom
38. the sound of the dog’s nails on the laminate floor when she paces around wildly
39. paint that doesn’t match when a pro “fixes” it and it’s not fixed.
40. cold French fries
41. slow computers
42. when computers lock up after overheating
43. wet dog feet
44. cats
45. mud
46. cooked cabbage smell
47. cold feet
48. when the edges of my fingers split from the extreme cold
49. scraping ice from my windshield
50. careless errors in professionally printed works
51. whiny jazz
52. when my tailbone pops out of place
53. falling on black ice
54. shoes that are not comfortable
55. divorce
56. almond coffee creamer or flavoring
57. ugly photographs of myself
58. ripped tote bags
59. broken or ripped plastic shopping bags
60. chartreuse
61. my birthstone, the November yellow topaz
62. the smell of gasoline
63. the smell of exhaust
64. the movie The Notebook
65. burnt popcorn smell
66. burnt popcorn taste
67. being forced to make a decision quickly
68. jokes that aren’t funny
69. jokes that are at someone else’s expense
70. frizzy hair
71. when everything doesn’t fit into my purse when I need it to
72. getting lost in Winnipeg with your best friend, or your husband, or both
73. when my kids don’t listen and I NEED them to listen
74. disrespect
75. not being taken seriously
76. smoking—ick
77. chewing tobacco—ick
78. when people I love die
79. flooding
80. child abuse
81. spousal abuse
82. elder abuse
83. answering inane questions
84. impatience (and yes, I get impatient a lot!)
85. when I procrastinate too much
86. Folgers coffee (yes, I’m a coffee snob)
87. the smell of beer
88. really loud sudden sounds
89. when someone is angry with me
90. when I make a stupid mistake
91. grease marks on luggage
92. mosquitoes
93. bug bites
94. when my wedding ring is too loose or too tight
95. sweeping the garage
96. dissonant sounds
97. impossible-to-remove stains
98. frustration of any kind
99. weather below zero with windchills below -20*
100. headaches

We got the third letter today.

My daughter made it into three programs all on video auditions alone.

I’m so proud!

Today’s mail brought more good news…my daughter’s acceptance to the Kansas City Ballet summer program!

This weekend, we weigh pros, cons, and money, and figure it all out. Not sure we’ll wait to hear back from program #3…..

We have heard back on one of those summer dance intensive workshop auditions…

She made it into one of the Texas programs.

We’re still waiting to hear from the other two programs (one also in Texas, one in Missouri).

I’m SO proud!!!